The Dark Night
I guess I have finally figured it out. Everything is without savor to me. I have lost love. Life is in the mundane. I crave little spiritually. I have no motivation to pursue much more than I have, though I want so much more. I am up late at night, wanting to go to bed, but avoiding it. I hang out at clubs, listening to live music, empty. I am connecting with few. My prayers are gibberish. My heart knows what to pray for, but I have an hard time getting myself to approach the throne of grace. I am groping my way around the dark night in my soul.
God is pulling my towards Himself. I have been humbled and left without much. He is showing me that He is all sufficient, even with all the fleeting sufficiency that I have experienced on this earth. I don’t like where I am at, yet it is the place I am supposed to be. Though I am regretting minutes spent wastefully during this time, are they really wasteful? I am not getting anything accomplished. My job is a dead end. Nothing seems to be panning out. And to God, it only matters that He is all-sufficient to me. So I have to let it all go.
I wish I could upgrade to this process to express service. Just let me have the quick route to deeper intimacy with you, God. Oh, but that’s not how it’s supposed to be, I guess. I have got to be broken down, humbled, and stripped clear of all the distractions (good and bad) in my life. I wish it would stop. I am ready to come out on the other side, in my own mind. It is clear that you have other plans as you try to perfect the silly mess that is me. It will take forever.
God, grant me the patience to go throught the desert. Give me your Living Water so I can survive this time. I am parched and thirsty. Let me stumble upon Your True Oasis, and not be misguided by the shimmering mirages all around me.
