Empty room, it’s a holiday
The sky, the walls, a familiar gray
If i could find some peace of mind
If one day again I’d feel the summer’s breath
Oh summerthrow

So, here I am again, in a wasteland between seasons of good. Don’t care about much. My prayers have ceased for the time being. God knows what’s on my heart. I am tired of praying them. He can deal with it.

There is a scant splinter of hope in my soul. A splinter because it’s annoying and painful at times. I can’t really get it out. The hope is good, but it reminds me of what I desire but don’t have. And it reminds me that I may never realize my hope.  At least in this lifetime.

Summerthrow your arms around me
I want to see the sun again
Fill me with your dandelion wine
Summerthrow your hair about me

I want to feel and see your spirit
Oh oh oh oh - want to see you shine

Life is pretty much a blase affair at this point.  Minimal connection.  No involvement.  I am floating through with no expectations for anything glorious.  That’s OK.  Not exciting, but OK.  I have to trust that God is molding me during this time.  I may only realize His molding sometime down the road, in another experience.

Summer catch me, now I’m falling
On a winterfield in rain
Cold yet melting down without a hope
And I lost myself, I lost my soul
Oh I need your summerthrow

I yearn for the season of warmth and joy again.  I don’t just want to exist, I want to be engulfed in life, love, sacrifice, care, love in return — something more than just the mundane.

Yet in the midst of the mundane, God faithfully reaches out:  a wise word from a new acquaintance, an encouragement to never give up by a friend, and a spontaneous prayer from a pastor I met in a coffee shop.  Though I have no reason to hope, God pricks through with His small (or are they big?) reasons. 

In the darkness of God, I am starting to see little glimmers of His light.  The glimmers that I could only see in His darkness.  Maybe the fog will lift, kind of like early morning in the redwoods of Northern California, where there is dense fog with no visibility early in the morning.  The fog gives way to faint rays which slowly permeate the grey soup.  Eventually, the full sunlight exposes grandeur and majesty.  And you can’t help but have your awe inspired.  God, oh that you would inspire my awe.

Pull me deep into your sky - I know those golden eyes
Have seen my failings and my shame, but I’m buried now
Inside the flame, fully claimed by the glow

Summer watch me now I’m weary
Can I rest here in your arms awhile
And listen to your song
Now I feel I’ve got a home forever - summerthrow

Lyrics from Lament by Resurrection Band

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007 at 10:58 am and is filed under Alex's Life, Challenge/Growth, Spiritual Formation. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.