I’m a man but I’m no superman
I’m who I am and I do the best I can
On sinking sand from my worst laid plans  

Last night, as I spoke with a group of guys that I hang out with regularly, the question came up of what makes an adult male feel like a grown up man, as opposed to a boy.  Various answers came to the fore, and admittedly, I don’t remember them.  It’s because I had an epiphany.

The things that finally made me feel like a man — a real man – can be summed up as such:

- Loving a woman, doggedly, and with passion, unconditionally and without expectation, and fully experiencing the joy and pain of that love.

- Getting real about my desparate and profound need for God to be my Father — the father that I did not have growing up. 

- Letting God into the deep sin and pain in my heart, and surrendering to Him.  I can’t even begin to tell you how painful, yet freeing this is.  Weeping over my need for God’s redemption in my life has been regular with me recently.  Culture says this is weak.  God says it makes me strong. 

- Being an open book with my sins, habits, failings, and weaknesses with the ones I love.

I have experienced all of these things lately.  Imperfectly.  Clumsily.  Unwillingly at times.  This season is dark, for I am exploring some dark enclaves in my fallow soul.  I look forward to being able to share with you coming out on the other side of this dark time.  Honestly, I don’t totally believe that I will be experiencing joy any  time soon.  But God seems to promise it, so I will have to take stock in that.

I’m a man but I’m no superman
And I can’t fly and I don’t always know why
But I can learn if I can hold up to the burn

So then, I am no Superman, as the interspersed quoted lyrics (courtesy of Ty Tabor from his album Safety) poetically state.  Can you relate?  Do you want to feel like a man?  A strong masculine soul that God intended you to be?  Do you want to get down and dirty and realize just how #$!&#%’d up you really are that you can’t control it all or deeply stuff all of your pain and emotional richness into the closet of your soul?  Do you know that you don’t have to be the poser, putting on the flaky facade we have all put on to show that we men are strong? 

God has something different for us males.  I don’t want it.  I don’t want to be a weak blubbering mess as I confront the pain and hurt in my life.  But in this brokeness, I am waiting for Him to infuse me with what only He can — undying, passionate love; full on acceptance; a reliable relationship with the True Validator of who I am.  I am waiting, still waiting.  My patience is wearing thin.

This entry was posted on Friday, April 20th, 2007 at 11:02 am and is filed under Alex's Life, Challenge/Growth, Life, Spiritual Formation. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.